Forgive and Forget?
July/21/2006 10:06 Filed in: Life
Is it foolish to forgive and forget? Does it set you
up for disappointment later in life, does it make you
more likely to get hurt again? I mean, if a person
hurts you once, what's to stop them from doing it
again and again? Where do you draw the line, on what
you'll forgive, or how many times you'll forgive. Is
it even possible to forgive and forget? Forgiveness,
sure - I'm a very forgiving person because ultimately
I'd rather be happy and not holding grudges than
spend the energy being unhappy with someone. You
could even say I'm forgiving to a fault, maybe I
forgive too easily. But am I setting myself up to get
hurt again? Does forgetting leave you vulnerable? Do
you judge the risk of forgive and forget vs the
reward of the person your forgiving' friendship? Are
some people worth getting hurt, even if they've hurt
you before? How many times will you touch the
flame, even though you've learned it's hot?
These questions are rushing my head right now. I had
a dear friend, she was my best friend for about 13
years and we got in a fight last January. This wasn't
a stupid fight - this was a serious fight. Our lives
are changing, going in different directions - we're
on the same page, but it's in a totally different
book. I want to forgive her, I really do - and I'd be
lying if I said it didn't take a lot to not contact
her and try to make things better these past 7
months. I even did contact her and wished her a happy
birthday, like she wished me mine, but that was the
extent of it really.
So, she sent me an email and apologized for everything. So now I'm faced with the question, do I forgive and forget?
This fight was bad, this was a mean, dirty name calling fight - I'm a bad friend, she's a bad friend - and much worse, all ending up in her telling me to f*** off, and me telling her to have a nice life, our friendship is over forever.
All in all, I was very hurt, she put a lot of effort into telling me off and hurting my feelings, and I responded the same. I was 9 months pregnant, and my best friend was leaving the state, for what seemed to be a flight of fancy. Now, maybe it was selfish of me to get mad at her for leaving, in fact, it probably was - but can you blame me for wanting my best friend there with me, and there for me? I even accepted the fact she was leaving, because she promised that she'd be there for me for the "important stuff" but then she stood me up for my baby shower not even a week later - no phone call, no email, no mention whatsoever - she just didn't contact me at all, and never showed up. Shortly after that was when the hugh fight happened.
Do I follow my heart, that says I miss her friendship, and forgive her? Put it in our past and move ahead? If I do, am I putting myself back into the ring of fire, and just waiting for it to burn me again?
Do I follow my brain, that says she'll do it again, and I should stick to my guns and not forgive her. I said it's over, and it's over - right? If I do that - am I robbing myself of a great friendship, will I regret giving up on her?
I think no matter what I do, there's a risk - of getting hurt by her, or hurting myself. Is it ever going to be the same though, I mean, she's out of NJ living her own life now, and I'm a new mother - consumed with Neil completely. I guess I'm already hurt, because it's been too long, and we've both changed so much, so no matter if I forgive her or not, our friendship never be the same. If I thought we could be friends like we used to be - I'd forgive her in an instant. I'm gonna think about it this weekend, try to decide what's best. I just needed to get those thoughts off my chest. I'm gonna go put on gloves and take out the bleach and take out my frustration on the kitchen.
Abbie
So, she sent me an email and apologized for everything. So now I'm faced with the question, do I forgive and forget?
This fight was bad, this was a mean, dirty name calling fight - I'm a bad friend, she's a bad friend - and much worse, all ending up in her telling me to f*** off, and me telling her to have a nice life, our friendship is over forever.
All in all, I was very hurt, she put a lot of effort into telling me off and hurting my feelings, and I responded the same. I was 9 months pregnant, and my best friend was leaving the state, for what seemed to be a flight of fancy. Now, maybe it was selfish of me to get mad at her for leaving, in fact, it probably was - but can you blame me for wanting my best friend there with me, and there for me? I even accepted the fact she was leaving, because she promised that she'd be there for me for the "important stuff" but then she stood me up for my baby shower not even a week later - no phone call, no email, no mention whatsoever - she just didn't contact me at all, and never showed up. Shortly after that was when the hugh fight happened.
Do I follow my heart, that says I miss her friendship, and forgive her? Put it in our past and move ahead? If I do, am I putting myself back into the ring of fire, and just waiting for it to burn me again?
Do I follow my brain, that says she'll do it again, and I should stick to my guns and not forgive her. I said it's over, and it's over - right? If I do that - am I robbing myself of a great friendship, will I regret giving up on her?
I think no matter what I do, there's a risk - of getting hurt by her, or hurting myself. Is it ever going to be the same though, I mean, she's out of NJ living her own life now, and I'm a new mother - consumed with Neil completely. I guess I'm already hurt, because it's been too long, and we've both changed so much, so no matter if I forgive her or not, our friendship never be the same. If I thought we could be friends like we used to be - I'd forgive her in an instant. I'm gonna think about it this weekend, try to decide what's best. I just needed to get those thoughts off my chest. I'm gonna go put on gloves and take out the bleach and take out my frustration on the kitchen.
Abbie
|
